Monty the penguin or a meerkat?

I was just sitting here eating a slice of key lime pie and listening to the Dylan 1965 Classic Love minus Zero (No limits)

when I got to wondering which really are the best, penguins or meerkats?
Now I know most people have wondered that at one time or another, so I thought I’d run through a few of the pros and cons, and perhaps you’d comment and let me know what you think. It’s by no means a sure thing one way or the other.

Key lime pie - Dylan's favourite cake
Key lime pie – Dylan’s favourite cake

First you have to compare the cuteness – that little penguin face immortalised in the John Lewis advert Monty the Penguin finds a mate, compared with the little meerkat desperate to buy insurance at all costs. And the way that the penguins walk is just to absolutely cute that even the little old meerkat standing up and looking around loses out.

Then there’s the cuddliness, and here the meerkat wins hands down as he’s all furry and cute and will run up and down your leg and climb all over you, while the penguin is covered in waterproof feathers and smells very fishy.

But then meerkats do have a great bite, with their sharp little teeth that they use for ripping the tails off scorpions, savaging giant millipedes to death, and fighting off meerkats from other tribes. Penguins will take a fish out of your hand, but there’s no record of anybody being pecked by one, so on the health and safety front that’s another one for Monty and his penguin race.

Of course, if we’re talking stuffed toys, then it’s all down to which you like the look of – I’d have one of each if it were me – but then who wants a stuffed toy when you can go and get up close and personal with the real thing? Believe me, seeing these little fellows in the flesh (or fur and feathers to be more precise) is an experience to treasure and it’s now surprisingly easy and cheap to fix that up.

There was a time when you had to go to Antarctica or South Africa to see a penguin, and to the deserts of Africa to try and catch a glimpse of a meerkat as he rushed away and hid in his burrow. But now with the rise of some fabulous wildlife parks where they really care for their animals and create really sympathetic environments, wherever you live in the country there’s probably a whole bunch of them on your own doorstep.

Cute little meerkat
Cute little meerkat
Cute little penguin
Cute little penguin

 

So here they are side by side for you to have a look and decide. If you’re still not sure, then why not treat yourself to a real life animal experience and get all the fun of seeing them for real.

 

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Penguins and biscuits

It may come as a surprise to you, but the question that I’m asked most often by audiophiles is “What is the penguin’s favourite biscuit?”

Now as you will know, there are actually more breeds of penguin than there are varieties of biscuit, so my reply has to be penguin-specific, and in particular has to refer to the cheeky little rockhopper – the one with the orange feathers on the side of his head. Here he is if you’ve not seen one before:

Rockhopper penguin - the biscuit connoisseur
Rockhopper penguin – the biscuit connoisseur

Now I’ve done tests with real penguins to answer this question, and those tests came out slightly in favour of Bourbon biscuits, which would make sense when you realise that this little chap has a gene dictating a liking for chocolate.

Bourbon appeals to the rockhopper's chocolate gene
Bourbon appeals to the rockhopper’s chocolate gene

but for the result to be statistically significant I thought that a computer simulation would be essential. Naturally, I wrote the simulator in Ruby on Rails, which is the famous Stephen Hawkin’s preferred simulator language, and having run in double blind mode, I can officially declare that the rockhopper’s real biscuit of preference is the Garibaldi.

Garibaldi - the heir apparent of biscuits
Garibaldi – the heir apparent of biscuits

This puzzled the team at first, but then one of the them pointed out that in the wild a large part of the little chap’s diet is the Antarctic ant, which it never gets while in the zoo environment, and because it is short-sighted, the rockhopper mistakes the currants in the biscuit for these ants!

So there you have it, when anyone next asks you the question, you have the answer ready. Well done.